Weaning

Solid foods, quantities, breast milk, time between meals...I'm confused. Just like every stage, I can collect information, read and research, but ultimately I have to follow my instincts.

We waited until Luca was six months old before introducing solid foods. We managed not to succumb to the pressure that was being placed on us by various people, to introduce it sooner. The result? A kid who eats everything. He never pushed food out of his mouth because he didn't know how to eat, he never refuses a vegetable, he grabs the spoon out of my hand and feeds himself. The introduction of solid foods has been a smooth process.

But breastmilk? I would like to breastfeed until Luca is a year old. He needs milk and if I'm able, I would rather be the one to provide it than to give him formula. But there is a lot of confusion about what that means. Does "breastfeeding" mean every meal or can it mean just once or twice a day. I can't provide every meal anymore as my milk doesn't flow in the quantities that it once did. It's clear that more often than not, he's just pacifying himself rather than getting a proper meal out of me.

So I tried to take it slow, I replaced one breastfeeding with one solid food meal one at a time. Over the course of six weeks he went from all milk meals to two per day. Things seemed to be going smoothly until I crashed. My hormones took a nose dive. I cried. I laid in bed. I tried to fight the guilt.

I was simultaneously getting pressure from one side to give up breastfeeding altogether, and from the other side that I wasn't breastfeeding enough. That I wasn't practicing attachment parenting unless I breastfed him for at least two years and more than twice a day. During this stage I've realized more than ever before how much of parenting is ignoring the comments that can saturate you from the outside and dull your own instincts. Everyone has an opinion about how other people should raise their kids. But I have to do what I feel is right, what is right for Luca and what is right for all of us as a family. Because this is my family.

I do enjoy having more time. I remember how trapped I felt sitting on the couch those first few weeks feeding Luca, what seemed like, around the clock. I couldn't leave the house for fear that in moments Luca would start screaming to eat again. I didn't feel like there was much to life anymore except being a milk machine. Now I like that we can go on an adventure without me having to find a comfortable place to whip out the boob. We can sit down and have a playful meal, getting food all over ourselves, no matter where we are.

I am pretty happy with where we're at now. Luca is breastfed in the morning and at night, with healthy, organic meals and snacks in between. I still fight the guilt and sometimes I still get sad. And unfortunately, this is something that my husband can't empathize with. He won't ever know what it's like to go from being the center of your newborn's universe, to being just one of many stars.