Experiments in Parenthood

First you ask yourself if you're ready to be a parent. Then you create a fantasy of this perfect little being smiling at you and calling you, "mommy." A child is born. The fantasy turns into reality. You feel trapped, tired; this perfect little being eats every hour and doesn't smile or call you mommy. Somehow you're still in love. After a couple weeks in the house, your restless self then asks, "What happened to my life? To my dreams and aspirations. Is my whole identity about being a parent?" (And yes after 2 months I can still blame these thoughts on hormones). But do you really want to say no to dinner engagements because he goes to bed at 7pm? Do you want to stay home instead of going on that road trip because its uncomfortable to pump milk at 70 miles an hour? Do you want to co-sleep and never have sex again?"

Lorenzo and I answered no to all of the above. We value our lives. We really believe that if we're happy, Luca will be happy. If we focus on how we were before he arrived, if we keep our marriage fun and healthy, we hope he will reap the benefits and have a good model for relationships. That explains why at two weeks we were in a plane to visit grandma, a week later we were in a car for three days coming home. At one month we were in a cabin on the river with friends and at two months we were driving to Canada.

It's impossible not to judge parents. Some people might think we're irresponsible. I think we're amazing. I read everything about parenting that I can get my hands on. He was never colicky. We figured out his signals early on and we provide what he needs before a breakdown. He sleeps well. At three months he's on a nap schedule and he only wakes up once at night to eat. We didn't force the schedule but we got to know him and he naturally fell into it. I breastfeed exclusively but I also pump bottles so that I can go out with friends, continue my dance class and take Italian lessons. He does go to bed at 7pm each night, but that might be in our friend's bed when we're over for dinner or in his bassinet if we're outside somewhere. He's a happy kid and we're happy parents.

But we've come across a new life dilemma. We're selling our house. Not because we have to but because as new parents we're not comfortable pushing a stroller down dirt roads with no sidewalks. Where people run, not for their health, but to get away from something. So what's next? We are not traditional people who work corporate jobs and live in the suburbs. We try to work jobs that give us lots of flexibility and independence and vacation time to travel. Without being tied down to a house we have opened up the possibility for a big move that we feel will reinvigorate and inspire us. And it scares me.