I'm a Mom

It took awhile to feel like a mom. I remember going to the grocery store after Luca was born, alone, seeing kids with their mothers and thinking, "wow, that's me. I'm a mom." But somehow it never really sunk in. I couldn't relate to my new identity. I didn't feel old enough or wise enough. And It wasn't as fun as I had imagined it would be. It felt like work. Luca didn't smile, he didn't play or laugh. He just looked around, pooped, slept and ate. I didn't know how to relate to him.

Almost nine months later and finally he's a kid, a real little man. And I'm good with kids. While he's in the bath I put his little deer towel on my head and dance around the bathroom and he giggles. While I'm feeding him I smear spinach puree on my teeth and he laughs so hard he spits his food out. When I carry him on my back he pats my back so that I'll make gorilla sounds and then he makes them too. We are quite the pair.

I have finally settled into the role of mom. It's not as hard now. I don't just feel like a milk machine. It doesn't only feel like work. The fun part has begun, the part I imagined when I imagined being a mom. I get it now. And I love it.