Oh Rome, why do you have to make things so hard?

I'm a little disillusioned at present. I like to have faith in people, to think the best of them. I always expect people will be honest with me. It seems my expectations are too high for Rome. And not that I should generalize, but when I tell people about my work situation they don't seem surprised.

I've worked at my current job for three months. I love it and I'm good at it. I teach adults English. No, it wasn't a career move, but after working from home for five years and being somewhat detached from people except by phone, it really suits me to be back interacting with people. The students love me. I'm a really good teacher. But at the school, they don't care about student feedback or teacher feedback. If there are issues with the curriculum, they don't care. I began altering the curriculum to see if students were more successful in understanding the material. It's working. It's rewarding to see their eyes light up when they finally get something they've struggled with for a long time.

Outside of the lessons I teach, I also run conversation classes for large groups. Last week they had to split up the class with two teachers because it was so big. The whole huge group tried to stuff themselves into my class. They begged the administrator to let them stay. They told me my conversation groups were a "breath of fresh air". I was very proud they could use such a phrase. After having been separated from teaching for so long, it's been a good reminder of how much I love it.

However, they haven't paid me. Here in Italy you get paid once a month. They missed March and are quickly approaching a missed payment for April. The Director assured me the payment was coming in a maximum of ten days, which means this Saturday. Do I trust him? As I mentioned, people from Rome don't seemed surprised that I haven't gotten paid. Why? Why do people get away with this kind of thing? How can you knowingly take money away from people, people who are the bread and butter of your business? Without the teachers what do you have? A bunch of Italian administrators who don't speak English.

I'm mad and it kind of makes me hate this place. It shouldn't, there are many other great things about this city. But it's not an easy place to live, everything is harder than it should be. The buses don't come on time, sometimes they don't come at all. People don't wait in line, they push their way to the front. Cars don't part on the street, they park on the sidewalk which makes pushing a stroller next to impossible. Bureaucracy is ridiculous and inefficient. Why can't it be easier? If I do have to leave my job, I won't be leaving quietly. I don't think they should just get away with it.

I'm American, and that's one thing we're definitely not, quiet.

I'm a Mom

It took awhile to feel like a mom. I remember going to the grocery store after Luca was born, alone, seeing kids with their mothers and thinking, "wow, that's me. I'm a mom." But somehow it never really sunk in. I couldn't relate to my new identity. I didn't feel old enough or wise enough. And It wasn't as fun as I had imagined it would be. It felt like work. Luca didn't smile, he didn't play or laugh. He just looked around, pooped, slept and ate. I didn't know how to relate to him.

Almost nine months later and finally he's a kid, a real little man. And I'm good with kids. While he's in the bath I put his little deer towel on my head and dance around the bathroom and he giggles. While I'm feeding him I smear spinach puree on my teeth and he laughs so hard he spits his food out. When I carry him on my back he pats my back so that I'll make gorilla sounds and then he makes them too. We are quite the pair.

I have finally settled into the role of mom. It's not as hard now. I don't just feel like a milk machine. It doesn't only feel like work. The fun part has begun, the part I imagined when I imagined being a mom. I get it now. And I love it.