Wednesday, June 13, 2012
The Balcony
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Roma Redux
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Good kids, good wine, good times
It's amazing what one night out and a good bottle of wine can do for your spirits. Plus, a good bottle doesn't leave you with a hangover in the morning which is even better. On top of that our beautiful children let us sleep in until eight, so overall, I'm feeling pretty f-ing good. After three difficult months, it's about time.
It's not what you think. Yes, two kids can be tough, but my problems are all physical. But when you have enough physical issues, they start to take their toll on your attitude and outlook, and mine has been a little bleak as a result. So let me briefly recap the list of ailments I've had to contend with since September. Mastitis. Twice. Fever included. Strep throat - two weeks. IUD insertion + minor complications. Shingles. Yup, shingles. And my first period at exactly the three month post-partum mark, which means it fell on the exact date of my last period - December 25, 2010. Then let's not forget the "normal" things one has to contend with post-pregnancy: six weeks of bleeding and cramping, boob pain, and a ridiculous amount of hair loss.
I'm not complaining, but I am telling the universe that whatever it was you wanted me to learn by all this, it's learnt.
Now that the shingles have cleared up, while I wait to see if I passed that archaic virus chicken pox onto my kids, I am enjoying another glass of good wine to keep up the inspiration I experienced from my big night out. Inspiration that came from a dinner that started at the very adult dinner time of 8:30 and continued for hours amidst a conversation that cemented the love I feel for my partner and my teammate in this life of raising human people.
If you are one of the lucky people to have found that person who you always want to be with, you've had these conversations many times over. The conversation that spurs that feeling that someone finally understands you and all of your tangents. The conversation that creates a bubble around two people fading the background into a dull hum. The conversation that makes you feel like you are in exactly the right place at exactly the right time and that you are still learning and growing with the help of this other person.
When you live together, as Lorenzo and I have for the past 7 + years, although you know that these conversations can happen, they get shadowed by the daily conversations that are critical to survival. "What are we going to eat.", "Will you take the baby while I go to the bathroom?", "Did she eat?" And then there are the truly important conflicts. "Can you please pick your underwear off the bathroom floor?", "You forgot to put the clothes in the dryer." "Where did you put my bag? You always move my stuff." Boring, necessary, routine and annoying. The moments that drive people to look for excitement elsewhere. But when you really consider this person to be your family, there is no moment when you think you won't be with them, despite the conflicts and boredom. And when the kids stop needing your breast every hour, when you can drink wine and speak adult-like again, when you can remember what you need, when you can cement your love with inspiring conversations, your partner can remind you of your best self. You start to remember how much you like to sing in the bathroom because of the fantastic acoustics, you dig out those books that light the sparks of your soul for a moment, you start a nightly routine of Motown dance parties with your two year-old, you talk with your partner about your dreams and ideas and about how you are proud to be a parent with them. And things get better. Shingles get forgotten. Life feels right. One moment at a time.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Head Above Water
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I'm finally done treading water and have gotten my first gulps of fresh air. With Luca it was the first two weeks that were the hardest, with Sabina it was the first two months. I'm now 10 weeks in and it both feels like a blink of an eye and an eternity. Nothing else compares to the roller coaster of emotions that you feel in early babyhood. You have to recover from seeing your body go from large but acceptable with baby on board, to, large but empty, jelly-like and wrinkled. Then there's the vagina, I'll leave that one alone for now, but you can imagine the recovery. Boobs, 3 sizes bigger than normal, with baby constantly attached, which was incredibly painful at the start - somehow I forgot everything. And to top it all off you have this very needy little person and a very needy slightly bigger person who both cry a lot, eat a lot and poop a lot. Oh and then there's that very inconvenient thing about not sleeping. At least not more than a couple hours at a time. Have you ever based your day on trying to catch up on sleep? There's a lot of rushing through meals, conversations, and showers so that you can run to bed and try to get an hour in.
But I'm past all that. Well, most of it. I've lost the large, but still have the wrinkled pooch. The lady parts are doing well. Boobs are getting more breaks and have come down from a Pamela Anderson to a Scarlet Johannson. The little people are still needy, but my little baby lady is going to bed at 8 and only waking up once to eat. That's a game changer. It started right about the time when I had my first sleep-deprived freak out. It was my birthday and I hit a wall. I told Lorenzo, through a stream of tears, that I didn't think I could do it anymore. My post-pregnancy brain didn't know what "it" was exactly, but my tired, hunched over body new something had to change. I can still see Lorenzo's sympathetic look as he said, "Jaime, there's nothing we can do, it will get better but this is how it is right now." It's hard to believe that was more than a month ago. I have no complaints. She is a good, good baby. And when you've slept you love your kids more.
Friday, September 30, 2011
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Sunday, August 28, 2011
Home Stretch
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Monday, May 2, 2011
Second 1st Day of School
The anticipation was worse than the actual event. I was very sad thinking about Luca's first full-day of daycare. I knew he would love it and do fine, but what about me? Yes it was stressful to leave work to pick him up at 11:45, to make lunch, put him down for a nap and run out again when grandma came over. Or stress over the things I wasn't accomplishing on the days when we didn't have grandma's help. And in reality, I wasn't spending that much more time with him. But it's the idea. My little man is growing up and I can't slow things down. I've lost control.
I fantasize about the leisurely days we spent in Rome. Everyday as a family, we would spend an early hour walking in Villa Borghese. I would run in front of Luca's stroller to make him laugh, Jackie would play and chase dogs and Lorenzo and I would marvel at the beauty of the place. Lorenzo would drop me at work and then go home and spend the next few hours with Luca and Nonna until I got home and we spent the afternoon at the other park in our neighborhood, Villa Glori. We were so lucky. And once you've had it that good, it's hard to let it go.
I feel guilty that my kid is spending 7 hours at school. But really, it's only a matter of time right? He'll always be in school. It's not that I would keep him at home just to spend more time with him. He's building academic prowess, social skills and being potty trained. All steps in his embarking on elementary and then junior high, high school and beyond. And at each of those steps I'll be thinking about my little rascal. My little man who says a new word everyday in his little man voice. At each stage I'll remember Rome and how he changed from baby to little boy there and how much I loved that time with him.