When Luca turned one, it felt strange. How can I still feel like a new mom when he's already one-year old? How do I recapture and hold onto each stage one by one? The sleeping all the time stage (that was nice), the learning how to smile, then how to laugh; how to grab something, then how to put something in his mouth (this will continue to go on for awhile I suppose). Next he learned how to roll himself over and in Germany he sat on his own for the first time. His first tooth broke through at Benedetta's wedding - during which I had to stand outside for the crying, and once back in Rome he started rolling across the room as it got him where he needed to go quickly. At 6 months he had his first taste of solid food and hasn't turned back. His next step was crawling military style - pulling himself with his elbows, and at 8 months he pulled himself up and started walking using the furniture for assistance. In Sardegna he learned how to throw a tantrum, which makes me desperately miss that first sleeping stage. A week after his first birthday he started standing on his own and taking an occasional step. One week later he has mastered walking and has finally become an upright citizen and fellow biped. Weighing in at a solid 22 lbs., my aching back thanks him.
This is the moment every parent looks forward to, and again I'm grasping at the air trying to make the moment last. This is the event that quickly transitions your baby to toddler. And toddlers become adolescents who quickly turn into pre-teens. So when does my transition from new mother to resident expert make its shift? I keep waiting for that big lightbulb to go on when I tell myself, "Ah, yes, this is how it's done. Now I get it." (Fellow mothers, don't laugh). There must be various levels of difficulty that you bypass with each stage right? From green circle to blue square to black diamond? Once the black diamond is conquered (even clumsily) and one returns to the green circle; it can be completed with grace and ease. Where is the green circle that I can go back to; the stage that he passed so quickly but that I didn't quite get right. The one that would be easy if I had a second chance to do it again. Is that why people have a second kid, to correct or perfect what they didn't get right the first time?
With each stage I've had to learn how to keep Luca busy and stimulated while simultaneously navigating the shifting tide in my relationship with Lorenzo, my relationship to myself (with the loads of physical and emotional changes), and my relationship with my son. My son. He's a year old. He has 8 teeth. His name is Luca (these are the phrases I've perfected in Italian). I am a mother and I have a son. I have to keep reminding myself. It took me years to feel comfortable using the term husband. Now my husband and I have a family. The Gennaro's.
